


Sansdimensional Transpaptation

by WitswItloof



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Adult Asriel, Adult Chara, Aged Up Asriel, Aged Up Chara, Alternate Universe - Aftertale, Alternate Universe - Blood Is Thicker Than Water, Alternate Universe - Dreamtale, Alternate Universe - Horrortale, Alternate Universe - Shiftfell, Alternate Universe - Storyshift, Alternate Universe - Underfell, Alternate Universe - Underswap, Alternate Universe - Underverse/XTale, Alternate universe - Storyswap, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Censored Swears, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Harems, Lots Of Cursing/Swearing, Mistaken Identity, Multi, Multi-dimensional Travelling, Multiple Love Interests, Other, Reverse Harem, Sexual Humor, Shifty is a flirt AND an asshole wow what a shock, ambiguous reader, nonbinary chara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-03-31 16:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 11,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13978728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitswItloof/pseuds/WitswItloof
Summary: (Transdimensional Transportation)Reader with a gaggle of 'friends', mostly anecdotes with a tiny bit of plot in. Chapter lengths vary.I love those fics where Reader basically gets a harem of skeles, but I wanted my own takes and AUs added.4/30/2018: FOUR. FOUR CHAPTERS. IN A SINGULAR. FREAKING. DAY. FOUR OF THEM!!!!!!!!!





	1. Chapter 1

You were just an ordinary (gender term), really. Incredibly boring and living a boring life, alone in a place more like the country than a real house, anyways. You had six floors, though: The very bottom being the sub-sub basement, then the sub-basement, the basement-basement, the ground floor, the first floor, and the second floor (well, 7 if you count the attic). Really, you had too many basements, but you thought it was funny. So many stairs, though... Gods, the stair-

 

Oh, hey. A new notification just flashed onto your computer screen, making you raise a (colored) brow in curiosity as you clicked on it. Ah, shit, a new update. Man, this'll take forever, your laptop runs slow as-is... But hey, you were an UNDERTALE geek, it's not like it really mattered how long you'd have to wait. You waited four months for your collector's edition and the twenty pounds of fan merch' afterwards, you had some time to burn, really. You were just curious on what Toby updated now, though, considering he doesn't seem fond of adding anything very new.

 

Maybe some more easter eggs, or just a clean-up of glitches and bugs... Maybe he found a secret hidden typo. Or maybe he just moved a single pixel to the left by the slightest of bits in three different places just to piss everyone off, and the changelog just has the word 'woof' repeated seventy times. Sounds about right, you thought with a snicker.

 

It seemed to be a small update, really, with how fast your computer loaded it up. Yep, definitely something small like a bug or two. Honestly, you never bothered to read the changelog, more focused on hurrying the fuck up and getting what you want. The main thing that concerned you, though, was how the icon had changed.

 

What was once a goofily pixelated red heart was now... a .gif? It seemed to be changing a lot, glitching and changing names and colors. Then it stopped, the text and icon so dismorphed you couldn't even fathom reading it anymore. Shit, did you just get a virus...? 

 

But, as the cat was killed by, curiosity filled your body, making you click on the weird icon anyways. The small motion of just double-tapping your finger against the touch-pad seemed to have taken hours, and, just as instantly as it downloaded, the glitchy former-game had opened, the splash screen still being the same. Huh... Maybe it's just your-

 

" ** _OH, FUCK!_** " you shouted as you tossed your headphones off, the dog-song blaring at full volume, so loud that you could hear it even as your wireless headphones were getting launched across the room. The screen just had the annoying dog's face on it, making your eyelid twitch. Seriously, Toby?! **_SERIOUSLY_**?!

 

You sighed angrily, turning your back on your computer screen after hitting f6, muting the computer as well. You didn't really notice the screen glitch even further, not until you heard a loud crack as you straightened up from bending over to pick up your headphones.

 

"Ow." you lifelessly said, assuming it was just your joints, but the cracking noise came back, even _louder_ this time. You stiffened up, thinking an intruder was in your house, until you heard an even **_LOUDERER_** breaking sound, and several loud 'THUD's following it. Your first instinct was to spin around, scream, and throw your wireless headphones at whatever caused the noise.

 

What really made you panic, though, was the sight of several corpses sitting on your broken desk, and even more broken computer/laptop. You screamed even louder, running to the other corner of your bedroom and quickly throwing your bedside lamp at the pile. What made you even MORE panicked was when the pile of bodies started moving.

 

"OH FU **[N]** K NAW-" you shouted, stopping yourself as you heard a little quack noise. What. "...What the fu **[n]** k...?" the quacking noise came back for the split second that you had cursed, and you finally started to try and gather what you were looking at.

 

The bodies were actually... skeletons. Many skeletons. Oh dear lord that is a LOT of skeletons. One of which was giving you a dirty look behind its sunglasses, which currently read ' **RU** - **DE** ' in yellow and blue. Wait. You looked this skeleton over as it stood, dusting itself off. Oh god. Oh god _n o_.

 

"STAY BACK YOU FU **[N]** KING PARASITIC MOTHERFU **[N]** KING B **[RAT]**."

 

Yeah, this was definitely a dream. You were recognizing the bodies as they all stood and-oh no. There's more. A few more seemed to have fallen from a new giant hole of pure whiteness in the ceiling, thankfully not breaking anything, but still crushing some of their friends. These ones, though, looked differ-

 

"OH GOD THE FURRIES."

 

The group was a buzz of panicked sounding blips and blops, just like their in-game or Underverse talking noises, while some of the skeletons glared daggers at the newcomers. Two newcomers fled and hid next to you, making you scream even louder. You recognized all of these creatures, which only horrified you more. It was like you were in some shitty fanfiction being written at 11:30 pm by an annoyed, nonbinary, writer's-blocked, procrastinating sobbing feline.

 

This'll take a long time to calm them all down, but what you were more focused on was finding a weapon to protect yourself if any of these characters acted as the fandom portrays them to, considering you aren't in the mood to get abused, Stockholm'd, and raped by skeletons.


	2. Chapter 2

You... had admittedly said quite a few unsavory words, but eventually calmed down. Okay. So your bedroom was full of skeletons, ~~furries~~ goats, and humans. You... took a moment to try and take stock of who they were after the majority had seemed to calm down.

 

Okay, Dreamtale, with Dream and Nightmare, that's not a good combo.

 

Horrortale skeleton brothers, oh no.

 

Undertale bros, of course.

 

Underswap and Underfell brothers, too, and you were shocked that Swapfell or Fellswap didn't show up alongside them. Maybe there's too much drama going on for the author to deal with that can of worms, anyways, considering the whole Fellswap Gold and Swapfell Red fiasco. 

 

Storyshift 'brothers', along with their Fell and Swap equivalents, as well. You really didn't like how the Shiftfell Chara was staring at you, with that smug smirk hidden behind a muzzle. And the chains/shackles connecting their wrists, despite being long enough to be more like extreme bracelets, didn't exactly help you imagine them as a safe person to be around.

 

Xtale (Underverse?) Sans appeared to be there as well, and you locked eyes with him for a tense moment. Does that mean that Chara is with him, too? Or... shit, you didn't even know what else to imagine about him. Was this during the X-event?

 

Your eyes were drawn to the three Crayon Brothers, as you personally called them - Error, Geno, and Fresh. Error and Fresh seemed to be the redesigns, Fresh now grinning again with his hands in his pockets and golden tooth catching the light just right, while Error was glancing around nervously and rapidly. Geno seemed to be glaring daggers at you - does he know about the whole creators and admins thing? Oh man, that's just some bullshit, then. - while you kept staring back at Error. He looked panicked, and you huffed.

 

This drew the attention of none other than Ink, who spoke in rapid blips and blops, making you assume that he was explaining. Dammit, that annoyed you more than anything right about now - your favorite characters appear and you can't even talk to them!

 

But now you were back to staring at Error, and his 'eyes', if you could even call them that, locked onto your own pair of (color) irises, bags underneath your eyelids due to your binging of being online. You flicked your head to the side, and he seemed confused, 'squinting' at you. You sighed, rolling your eyes, and did something even your tired self knew was stupid.

 

You stormed passed Geno, Ink, Fresh, Storyswap Chara, and Storyshift Asriel, grabbing Error by his stupidly long scarf. Geno's left eye lit up in shock, Fresh stiffened up, and Error's sockets had already filled with glitches and small 'ERROR's of their own as you dragged him off. You could hear the noises that made you assume one of the others were talking, but you focused on the task at hand, shoving the dark skeleton into your opened closet door, slamming it shut.

 

The entire room was silent, and you looked over at the mixed species'ed group.

 

"...What? He looked like he was having a panic attack. Whenever I'm stressed I hide in there. Not like it's dirty, anyways. I mean, my candy stash might have melted, but that's what I installed the mini-fridge for anyways." you suddenly gently knocked on the door, leaning against it as you stage-whispered into the light brown wood, "There's chocolate somewhere, too. Help yourself." you turned back to the others, hearing the glitchy skele snooping through your stuff.

 

"Now, let's get a few things straight. I have no clue what the fu[n]k ya'll are saying, just little boops and doops, but I really don't like the way he is looking at me-" you pointed at someone you had overlooked, some of the creatures glancing over at who you were pointing at. A very human looking creature leaned against the wall with a smug smirk, sclera pitch black, pupils turned into pink hearts, and irises a bright, sky-blue.

 

You felt uneasy the longer he stared at you, especially how Ink had tensed up. You didn't know where you had recognized him from, eyes roaming over his form. A dark blue long-sleeves was covered by a heavy silver breastplate, underneath the armor being a light blue T-shirt. He had silver pauldrons, as well, protecting his shoulders pretty well. Dark blue pants, a little baggy, covered his legs down to his bright blue boots, almost combat-like, but mixed with some hiking-boot qualities.

 

Looking back up, he gave you an audible wink, a star flickering away from his right eye as it shut, hands uncrossing. Ew. He had blue gloves, the same color as his T-shirt, folded slightly and clearly made of some sort of leather. What disturbed you was how, near the seams, there was a dark red lining to it, barely visible to the human eye. He wiggled his fingers at you, pointing at his face, at light skin with dark brown hair. Then, suddenly, it clicked.

 

"GET OUT." you shouted, pointing directly at him with wide eyes. He stuck out a blue-tinted tongue as he walked closer, opening his mouth. You only grew more disturbed as he spoke, though. Mainly with how _you heard it_.

 

"That's not a nice way to treat a guest, Kitty-cat!" he giggled boyishly, wrapping an arm around your neck. His smile turned wicked for just a split moment, teeth growing sharper.

 

"I am not your kitty-cat, I am not dealing with you, you need to leave-"

 

Storyshift Chara said something, also heard as blips and blops, but the Sans with his arm over your shoulders was quick to respond.

 

"Well of course they don't understand you, but they should definitely understand me. I mean, we're so close!" his skeletal tail suddenly wrapped around your right leg, up to your thigh as he leaned in closer, " _They're my creator, after all_."

 

Now was when your panicking grew even more. You were **NOT** his creator, first of all, second of all was how you did **NOT** want him touching you, especially not after what you've read about him and his storyline.

 

You rushed to explain, grabbing his arm by the elbow and yanking at it while you roughly tugged at your leg.

 

"I AM NOT YOUR CREATOR. YOU HAVE THE WRONG PERSON. I AM NOT A SAD CAT. I AM A READER." you shrieked, a tight grip hitting your left wrist and making you tense up at the hold. BITTW Sans, as you recognized him, snarled at the person who you had now deemed as your savior as they had yanked you away, your back against their chest. It was slightly awkward with their height, and you tensed up even more when you felt something liquid soak through the back of your clothes. "Please tell me you didn't just save me only to p[ee] on me."

 

Geno looked borderline offended as he shoved you off, a red and blue blush on his face as he hurriedly talked. Oh, thank god, it was only bloo-

 

Wait what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mistaken identity with my own fucking horrible creation of a boy. You're not Kitten/me, you're you, it's just a little extra trope. You're just going to be confused for me, but only by BITTW Sans. I hate it when the reader is a planned out character appearance or OC or whatever, so.
> 
> Don't worry, bros, you can still be some kind of hentai monster if you want.


	3. Chapter 3

You were grumbling after having shoved away from the Genocide-Run Sans, wiping your hands against your back and gagging when blood stuck to them. Well, not-blood. It was sticky like syrup yet ten times as annoying and probably not sweet at all (but for some reason you felt tempted to taste it. You decide to live and not do that).

 

"Look, sugar, I appreciate the help and all, but I'd prefer to wear my clothes without turning them red, mmhkay?" you huffed, never letting your eyes trail from the no doubt most dangerous Sans in the room as you back against the closet door again. "Ground rules: No killing, no leaving the property or house without permission, and my room is _mine_. I'm looking at you, Bloody." you accusingly pointed at the humanoid, who just tilted his head as though innocent.

 

Wait, why were you making ground rules if you didn't know if they could leave or not? Dammit, you're all scrambled up!

 

You instantly looked at Fresh first, who waved as soon as he caught you staring, glasses reading 'HE YA'. "Can you poof away? Like... go to a different universe?" Besides the one creature who you could understand clearly, this skelesite (skeleton parasite, you applaud yourself for that dumb little makeup) would probably be easiest to talk to with how he wore his words on his face. That... doesn't sound like the saying.

 

He shrugged in response, and you winced as a huge puff of... cloud-stuff appeared, even seeing the words "FRESH-POOF" over it (which nearly made you snicker), yet it didn't last long. once it faded away, the skelesite seemed frazzled, readjusting his jacket and hurriedly straightening his glasses. You got a glimpse at the stolen SOUL he held inside, but nobody else did.

 

"Ooo...kay. Ink? Don't make a mess, if you can help it." he gave you a dorky salute, then disappeared. Some of the others seemed a bit confused while others freaked out with how he had just melted, but Ink returned to solidity, making an exaggerated shrug with his hands at the same height of his shoulders and a shake of his head. You barely cut off a curse under your breath, staring at Nightmare and Dream.

 

"Mare and Ray, you two." They seemed a bit concerned with your nickname choices, Dream focusing yet unable to make contact, turning into a bright light against the wall, while Nightmare faded to a vantablack shadow on the ground. Both shown the same expression and a shake of their head once returning to their original forms.

 

"Geno?" You were getting desperate now, but Geno just shook his head, and you huffed, staring Cross dead on. "Fluffy, focus on Underswap. That place seems to be in the best condition, just try and get there for now." his glare hardened even more at the nickname, but you felt as though it was a wise decision to not mention his vulnerability just yet. If he didn't kill you for showing off his weakness to the others, Chara might have later on. He shut his eyes, a large 'X', white with a red outline, covering his entire body for a split second before fading away. The shake of the head returned, making you lean harder against the door.

 

Shit, the door! You still had a little haphephobic hobo in the closet! You knocked gently, still not moving away. "Open a window, buddy. Knock once if it works, knock twice if it doesn't." You heard some shuffling (and chewing, that bastard got your snacks), then two knocks vibrated against your lower back.

 

"Aaaand that leaves me with _you_." your eyes narrowed on the humanoid Sans, who grinned widely back at you. "You should know the drill by now, bust ya nut and off ya strut." you waved him off, and he pouted.

 

"But Kitty-"

 

" _Not_ your kitty."

 

He huffed again, arms crossed childishly over his chest. The lights flickered and he disappeared for just a moment, before reappearing in the same space. His boots had blood on them and he was quickly swallowing, making a shudder of disgust run down your back. "Nope~!" he was back to being cheerful, which only happened to disturb you even more.

 

"Okay, it's a little cramped in here, can... let's just go to another room - there's a little gaming zone just outside'a here. Let Ink explain more while I try and drag this chocolate-stealing b **[rat]** out of my closet before the fandom starts shipping him with the shorty." you snickered at the loud glitched sounding 'speaking' from your closet while shooing the others out. Error burst open the door not long after, looking, well...

 

He was a tiny bit peeved. You can't wait to show him that there's worse things than Errink. 

 

"Wait until you see the Errorfresh fanart, my bo-"

 

A black sandal hit you in the face.


	4. Chapter 4

You laughed softly as you rubbed your sore, reddened cheek. It didn't hurt that bad. Now, to quell your own anxiety before you throw up like an overexcited Ink San-

 

You froze, staring at the creature in front of you. The deranged grin on the creature's face grew ever wider, making dread fill you from head-to-toe, heart-to-SOUL. You stepped towards the bed, never once looking away from the creature, but its head turned to follow you with each movement. The grin seemed to grow by the second, and you knew that the grin stayed the same size, but it looked bigger each time your heart pulsed in your chest.

 

Your hand hovered over the bed's pillow, and you slowly lifted it up. The creature's smile fell once it saw the pocket knife you had kept underneath the fluffy object, and while it was shocked you tightly gripped your comforter's edge, throwing it over the creature's head.

 

" _NOPE_."

 

You hurried to open the door and slam it shut again, catching confused (and some worried) looks from the monsters and humans alike that filled the game room right across the hall your bedroom was in. You smiled somewhat nervously, giving them all a wave and hurried out. Nickname time. Ink seemed to have finished explaining, anyways (but you didn't like the looks that the Underfell Sans and Undertale Sans were giving to the Chara's).

 

"How about... let's make this easier on mostly me, really. I'll just give you guys nicknames - what good fanfic doesn't use that?" BITTW Sans snickered, and you glared at him. Great, this probably solidified his messed up idea as to who you were. You didn't look like CryingKitten anyways! You were never any one of their icons, from the Horrortale Sans to the vantablack feline demon.

 

You instantly pointed at the Undertale bros. "Tale and Class." Sans and Papyrus. Easy enough to remember.

 

Next was Underfell - "Fell and Crimson" - Sans and Papyrus again.

 

"Swap and Smokes" - Underswap brothers.

 

"Mince and Toothache" - Horrortale.

 

"NM and Dream" - Dreamtale, of course, though Nightmare seemed to tilt his head at how Dream kept his name yet you shortened his. You didn't offer any sort of explanation.

 

You went to a standstill as you reached the other more unique characters, pointing at Cross in specifics. You weren't sure whether you should mention his Chara or not. If the Story's were getting this much flak, who knows what would happen to _him_. 

 

"...Cross, Error, Fresh, Geno, Ink." you said in quick succession.

 

"Chara and Azzy." - You instantly had decided that the 'original' Chara and Asriel in the room deserved their usual titles.

 

"Bow, Rain." - Storyswap, Chara and Asriel.

 

"...Shifty and Chains." - Storyfell. It took you a second to think of something for them anyways.

 

_Something felt off, though, your mind dragging you back to your bedroom, with-_

 

"Oh." you stared at the BITTW creature in the room, and he seemed to be pouting.

 

"You forgot me, Kit-"

 

"(Name)." he blinked at your curt response and correction. Oh, you never introduced yourself...! "You're Ditzy, since you're annoying me. Be nice and maybe I'll call you by a better name." you hissed out at him, and his eyes changed. A pink heart in each round sphere of blue. Good. He was happy. Or in love...? Maybe that wasn't a good sign. Last time you heard of him with those heart eyes was when his Papyrus shoved him down the stairs after seeing- Ah, shit, don't think about that. 

 

NM clearly sensed your unease, his grin crooking up a bit higher. _That_ is why you shouldn't think about that. At all. Ever. Not because it was weird or gross, and definitely not because you were scared of him. Or what he's done. At all. Nope. Once NM caught you staring, his grin only grew. Something hit you suddenly.

 

"Oh my god, I almost have the Sans Bad Guys in my house." you muttered to yourself. Now all you needed was Fellswap (Swapfell Red?) Sans, and the creature in your room if you decided he didn't count as being in your house. For whatever reason. Maybe you're trying to keep him hidden, some sort of pronoun game. Maybe you just need to add more words so the chapter doesn't turn out shitty and short like everything else has so far.

 

...Screw it.

 

You ignored the confused looks you still happened to receive, pushing yourself to the middle of the room (purposefully shoving between Fresh and Error when you heard their own little text noises come up). You didn't know if they were bugging eachother, but you still felt like you should end it. Besides, getting the dangerous world-destroyer on your good side seems like a nice place to start, the nicest as any, truly and really.

 

"...so... You guys are stuck, I can't hear you, this is the only dude I can talk to-" you pointed at Ditzy, "-I hate his guts, this guy keeps staring at me and probably feeding off of how uncomfortable he's making me-" you pointed at NM this time, noticing how he leaned closer towards you, "-and I really don't want to go back into my bedroom right now."

 

"I didn't see Ink throw up in there, did he?" Ditzy questioned, Ink giving him an offended look. "So~ Who are you hiding, Kit-" he stopped as you corrected him with your name again, "Who are you hiding, _(Name)_ ~?" he all but purred, hands clasped together in front of him as he leaned on one leg. What a cliche anime-like pose, and you didn't even like or watch anime.

 

"Oh, you know, my one night stand with a knife that I threw a blanket over that all of you somehow missed." you glared at him, arms crossed over your chest. You took a glance around, the expressions varying. Dream seemed a bit concerned. "...Too much information?" you questioned, unable to hide the nervousness suddenly in your voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~_What's this? A UVSStudios reference?_~~


	5. Chapter 5 (Meanwhile...)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fresh can't said the words goodlier than more than other peoples

(Meanwhile, in the game room...)

 

~*~

 

"Uhm... so, as I was saying earlier, you're all from different dimensions! See, uh... Class and Tale, as that human called you, are from the Alpha Universe. I-I think... this place seems to have the creators... I wonder if we can find who actually made me! I'd love to see-" Ink was cut off by an impatient cough from SF-Uh, 'Chains'. "Sorry, sorry! Well, uh... what was I saying...?" he tapped his foot, staring at the ground.

 

"long sTOrY ShOrt; yOu'rE AlL glitCHes and sHOUlD be DEsTROYeD." Error hissed, getting a glare from Ink. " _eSPECIAlLy_ the auS Of Aus." he grinned darkly.

 

"Hold up - 'AUs'?" SF-Dammit!, _Shifty_ held up their hands, head tilted in confusion. As Ink opened his mouth to talk, Fresh joined in, grinning widely.

 

"izz'in acromyn!"

 

"aCRONYM." Nightmare corrected.

 

"izz'int dat what i said? acromym?"

 

"yOU'RE NOT EVEN SAYING THE SAME THING."

 

"an acronom!"

 

"aCRONYM!"

 

"astronym?"

 

"ACRONYM." Crimson added, looking annoyed at how long this was taking.

 

" _acronomonicon!_ " Fresh smiled brightly. Error was pinching the bridge of his not-nose by now. Chara seemed amused, though, and the same stood with Shifty.

 

Their argument/amusement was cut off as the human slammed the door shut, leaning against it.

 

(Meanwhile, under the blanket...)

 

~*~

 

Heh. Cute. He liked that look on your face.

 

To be fair, you did catch him by surprise, what with the knife and the throwing-something-soft-and-slightly-heavy-over-his-face thing. It was still amusing how he heard you slam your door shut in fear after covering him up. It only piqued his interest even more as he lifted the comforter off of his head, peaking out underneath it. This seems like it'll be    ** _i n c r e d i b l y_**    fun...

 

(Meanwhile, in an alternate universe...)

 

~*~

 

The world shifted for a moment, her eyes widening as a familiar figure appeared outside. Oh, _fuck_... She crossed her fingers, begging that he wasn't going to see her and that he would just go away, _just go away, just go awayyyy..._

 

He grinned down at the body underneath him, tearing off a piece of it and placing it in his mouth before disappearing again, boots covered in blood as he swallowed. She sighed in relief, but was a little upset about how he appeared only to scare her with his little need for a snack. _Where the hell did he even go, anyways...?_

 

(Meanwhile, in the universe you're actually, in real life, forced to be in...)

 

~*~

 

"This sounded better in my head at 2 AM when I was petting a cat."

 

They clicked on the 'Post Without Preview' button and prayed for the best.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the view of skeletons, humans, and goat-people.
> 
> (Reader is referred to by 'they' pronouns when needed but ambiguous gender terms - because writing "he/she/they/it/(pronoun) looked stressed" would be tedious to read. Just say your pronouns over 'they', maybe? Hope that works.)
> 
> ((P.S Also wow, I just realized my own plot hole. Let's just say the author themself was correcting with the nicknames in that last chapter, since that's what I was going for but it might not be seen that way at first.))
> 
> (((P.P.S Look, some romance finally blossoms.)))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? Who the hell am I?

The human was quick to calm down and deflect the curious looks, assigning nicknames as well. NM could sense something from them, though, and he knew that Dream felt the same. A lack of positivity inside of the human's SOUL, some fear and adrenaline coursing through their veins. One thing that made NM's grin falter, though, was when he decided to CHECK them.

 

He couldn't see their SOUL, LV, or EXP (not even HP) - he was originally made from an Underswap Sans, who wasn't a Judge in their timeline, and those stats were only able to be seen by the holder of them or by the Judge (and sometimes Boss Monsters, too, but they needed to be in an encounter with the holder), it was their other stats that upset him.

 

*** (NAME) - ATK 5 DEF 5**

*** A human filled with knowledge.**

 

...They were so... bland. _Boring_. 

 

Then it happened.

 

*** (NAME) - ATK 5 DEF 5**

*** A h̵uman͞ ̵f̧illed ҉wi͠t̢h D͞͡E̶͜͞Ţ̡̛E̴͘͘͞R̕͠M̷̷̢͞I̕͡͡Ņ̵A̷͢͞͠Ţ͢͝I̧͏O̡̧N̷̸͢.**

 

He flinched away, catching the attention of the others, who gave him worried looks. Dream felt fear waft off of him in large chunks, not smooth, fluid movements, but completely breaking.

 

"Nightmare...?" Dream cautiously questioned, the vantablack creature's eye flicking over to him before returning to the human.

 

"...i'M FINE." he turned his head away.

 

"Uh, NM, what's wrong? You gave me this weird-

 

"i'M F I N E!" he shouted at the human, and, despite their claims to not be able to hear them, they still flinched back violently.

 

There was something wrong with this crea-this 'human'. He didn't like it one single bit. He was quick to fade into the ground, his shadow disappearing up the stairs as he fled. Dream was quick to race after. Just because he couldn't cross dimensions doesn't mean he couldn't cross areas. 

 

Speaking of cross - the skeleton in question felt suspicious of the human as well. His gaze kept flickering around the room, but the human let out a sigh which brought his dual eyelights back to them once more.

 

"I guess that's that. Listen, I'll be trying to gather myself, feel free to play some games or something else, but remember the rules I gave you - My room is off limits, don't leave the house, don't break my stuff, and PLEASE don't kill me or eachother." They glared daggers at Error and Ink, the human's gaze flicking between them both. "We're in the sub-basement, downstairs is also gonna be off limits, same with the kitchen up on the first floor, basement is just junk, first floor is kitchen, two bathrooms, and three spare bedrooms, second has three more spare bedrooms and one more bathroom, and the attic is just boxes and even more junk." A few took notice of how the sub-sub-basement's contents were never mentioned.

 

Fresh, who had been busy spacing out while staring at the ground, jolted to life and had already flopped onto the ground with a painful sounding 'thud' in front of the human's gaming systems. They clearly had some good taste.

 

Some of the other humans were talking to eachother, while Ditzy, the strange human-but-not-human-just-looks-like-a-human/human-looking Sans, focused on the main human. Geno was looking a bit concerned at the human, which quickly took their attention while some of the other creatures in the room dispersed, most likely to explore for the most part. The goats stayed close to their siblings, however.

 

"...What? What's wrong?" the human looked at Geno, touching at their face, and he flicked his head back towards the hallway. "You want me to follow you?" they questioned, to which he nodded. "...I better not end up dead, buddy." Geno rolled his only visible eyelight, taking off without them.

 

He stopped in front of their bedroom door, scratching the back of his neck through the scarf as he waited for the human to hurry up and catch up. They didn't take long, head tilted.

 

"Didn't I _just_ _say_ that my room isn't allowed to be gone into?" He rolled his eyelight again, tapping his chest with one hand while tugging his shirt with the other. They took a second to think of what it meant before letting out a satisfied 'ooooh' noise. "Nonono, I'm fine. I've got some other shirts in the laundry room." He blinked in confusion, "Uh, connected to the first floor bathroom. One of them. I think. Listen, I barely know if I know anything right now." they huffed, and he just shook his head, mumbling to himself.

 

"not the dumbest i've encountered..." he froze when a warm hand grabbed his wrist, eyelight flicking over his shoulder to stare at the human. Their skin was a little rough at their palm, making him assume they've done lots of work in their time. Maybe they were a sculpture or something, the human certainly seems capable of being creative. Maybe they liked to build, or garden, or something else. Maybe they-

 

"Thanks for helping me out back there, with Ditzy. You clearly don't know his story, but it's best to keep clear of him sometimes, yeah?" They grinned widely afterwards, though, head tilted slightly to show how smug they were. "By the way, I always assumed it'd be blue. I like the red look on you, though." they tapped his cheekbone, walking around him. "I'll grab some notebooks from the attic so you guys can write what you wanna say!" they shouted out, not only at him but also anyone else who could hear it.

 

He was quick to hide his face in his scarf, eyesockets (the hidden one counting) wide as he realized what happened.

 

**_Why the hell are skeletons able to blush?!_ **


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter full of (Name)'s past

Man. What a predicament. Fresh was laying on his side, eagerly holding onto one of your game system's controllers, Rain and Shifty sitting on the couch behind him and watching as he blasted through stage after stage. Bow and Chains were nearby, chatting about... who knows what. Azzy was quick to join in, while you took note as to how Geno has yet to return to his placement. Error seemed to be focused on Fresh's handiwork and handimanship on the game as well. You feel like maybe he's seen the game be played before. Fuck, Fresh was _already_ at the third boss?!

 

At least he was nice enough to not overwrite any of your files. Chara was missing, though, along with Ink, Ditzy, and Cross. You were a bit concerned on if they would be following your rules that you had given just yet, head tilted as you started walking up the stairs. Luckily, you took notice, nobody seemed to be in the kitchen as you made it to the needed floor. Your mind had wandered so far, though, and you broke into a sprint, shoving passed a stray Mince before shouting an apology after him.

 

You nearly tripped a few times as you rushed and raced up the stairs, almost up at the final floor, reaching up to grab the chain that pulled down the fold-out ladder to the attic, when you slipped, hitting the ground painfully hard. You no doubt bit your tongue, hissing slightly in pain as you felt and tasted blood on your tongue. Nothing too intense, though, but still enough to wince in pain over. _Dammit_!

 

A bony hand landed on your lower back, and you panicked for a moment. You quickly rolled over, onto your back with wide eyes. Looking down at you was two sunken in, small, empty black sockets. Toothache gave you a worried gaze, browbone furrowed. Fuck, he scared you. Did _he_ trip you...?

 

Either way, his text-talking noise coming out as he grabbed you under your arms, lifting you off your feet entirely. His head was tilted, and he held you to his chest. You could feel his ribs through his 'battle body', pressing against your own chest. Instead of smelling like blood or even the disgusting decomposing body you'd expect _(...not that you know what bodies smell like...)_ , he had the strong smell of chalk and bone.

 

He gave you a questioning look, you quick to place your hands on his chestplate, pushing your front half away from him a bit. "Uh... I'm cool, I'm cool, pal. Uh... Did-did you see what made me fall?" he turned his head to the ground, but with the angle you were held at, it didn't really hide his guilty looking face.

 

Following his gaze, you noticed how his obscenely long scarf was dragging across the ground, the soft cloth having little to no friction against the smooth wooden, hardwood floors. You couldn't help but laugh, kicking your feet idly as you looked back up.

 

"D'aw! Aren't you the cutest thing I've ever laid my eyes on? Alright, buddy, can you drop me now? Don't worry, I could never stay mad at such a cute f _ACE_ -!" you shouted in shock as he dropped you, head tilted completely horizontally in confusion. You barely caught yourself on your feet, hand on your chest as you wheezed slightly from shock.

 

"Okay, let me finish flirting with you next time, sweetie..." you panted, trying to slow down your heartbeat. Gods above and hells below - this bastard is _tall_! You can't help the worry that fills you as your eyes land on those jagged, sharp teeth, too. _Oh dear_...

 

He seemed to smile, the corners of his mouth lifting up, head tilting just the slightest of bits again to the side, 'eyes' shut. Okay, now _that_  is kind of cute. Kind of - you refuse to actually fall for any of these guys.

 

...Geno doesn't count. You were just teasing him - besides, you genuinely  _did_ assume his little 'blush' would have been blue. I mean, all the fanfics and fanart prepared you to believe 99% of Sanses had blue magic, on their face, in their pan-

 

...Uh...

 

Toothache was making noises, you should focus on 'listening' to him. He was rather good at using body language, head tilted to the other side this time. He seems to like doing that. Maybe it's a bad habit. His neck must be super fucked up because of this... Ah, shit, focus on him again!

 

"Oh... I'm up here to head to the attic - I have a ton of cr **[ud]** to help you guys write instead of talk." At least now you know that Fresh is in range. Maybe he already beat your game. "Notebooks and stuff like that, y'know?"

 

You were already walking down the hall, him deciding to follow, before you stopped in front of the cord dangling from the ceiling. It wasn't that hard to grab it, you weren't  _that_  small, and the cord dangled pretty low. It'd be more difficult for a mouse to be unable to reach it. Hell, a dedicated spider could yank the attic door open.

 

He seemed shocked at how the ceiling just collapsed like that, reaching out to follow you up the ladder, but you simply pushed his head down and gave it a little pat. "Sorry, buddy, but you know the rules. Maybe you can help me out with the boxes, though! Just stay here. Good boy." You didn't mean to come across as patronizing, but he seemed happy with the compliments nonetheless. What a good boy.

 

You'd definitely need his help, anyways. Digging through boxes and dust alone wasn't your favorite thing to do, but then came the act of finding everything you'd need. Shit, you should've brought your knife before you left it with... uh... Let's just say you'll be clawing and nailing at boxing tape for quite a while without it.

 

You winced as you found a box covered in childish writing saying "(NAME)'S STUFF! BACK OFF!!!". You knew EXACTLY what was in that box, and gods above you did NOT want to see it again.

 

You went through a bad phase when you were going through puberty, and you'd prefer to leave (weeaboo/emo/rebel/punk/etc.) (Name) in the past where (he/she/they/it) belonged.

 

You held it away from your body, trying to ignore the stickers covering it, and quickly set the box down, kicking it away and letting it slide into a corner, kicking up dust the entire way. Underneath was one of the boxes you were glad to have found - school supplies from middle school.

 

Counting through it, you found a huge pack of pencils, three or four pencil sharpeners, lots of eraser pencil hats, and a box of colored pencils and crayons. Now to look for the notebooks and pray that you had had enough for everyone. It'd be awkward to share one with everyone else, and you never learned the lesson of "you barely need one notebook the entire school year, let alone five every semester".

 

How many did you have in your house, people-wise? You did a quick mental head count, easily coming up with about twenty-two.

 

You had to open up a few other boxes to find more school supplies, and flipping through all of those notebooks to rip out used pages or erase dumb scribbles took quite a while. You went over a quick count of them, proud of your work, before you instantly dropped your smile.

 

"Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one... FU **[N]** K!"

 

You had gone through every box, and knew exactly where the very last notebook would be. Oh god, oh god, oh god...

 

You cringed as you dug your teeth into the faded glue of the tape on your personal 'Phase Box', tearing a tiny rip into it before using your fingers and hands to yank it all away again. It peeled apart and off the cardboard with a loud ripping noise that grated your nerves, seeming far too loud. How old were you when you packed this stuff up? Like, thirteen, or so? _Ick_...

 

You gently pulled the flaps open, greeted with a plushie of a/n (phase object, i.e anime character, skull, etc.), covered in dust and even some spider webs, along with your own shedded hair. Gross... Digging through the other things in there, you came cross exactly what you needed.

 

You yanked the small book out, shoving everything else back in and placing another, heavier box on top of your Phase Box, unwilling to ever see those bad, older memories ever again. Great. And now you have to dig through this piece of crap, too...

 

Ah, shit, do you even have the key to it anymore...? You bartered and bargained with yourself in opening up the box again and looking for it, before quickly deciding that you could easily just use an old, loose, single nail or something to pick the shitty diary lock. It didn't take long to do that, anyways, considering you just gave up halfway through and used bolt-cutters to break the padlock open, tossing the scrap away into the dusty air of the attic. The sun was going down, too...

 

_"Dear diary,_

 

_Today I saw the cutest-"_

 

You gagged, tearing out the page.

 

_"Dear-"_

 

_***riiiiiiIIIIIIP*** _

 

_"Today-"_

 

_***teAAAAR*** _

 

_"The worst-"_

 

You continued to rip the pages, glad you hadn't filled out the piece of junk very much.

 

The object was black, hardcover, with dark blue pages. You remembered how it came with some kind of 'invisible light' and 'invisible pen', but that was gone and lost forever. The pages had lightened up a bit over time, anyways, so it'd be easy to read black ink on it. Either way, you made sure to grab a few colored pens from your school supplies box (You took a moment to dab the pen on your tongue and scribble on your hand, though, along with dot one of the pages just in case it wouldn't show up right. It was... okay enough.).

 

Now came the most important question, though...

 

_Who the hell are you going to curse with this hunk of junk?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme hear your input tho; who do you think should get the diary?


	8. Chapter 8 (In Which You Accidentally Flirt With Several People)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Error gets the cringebook, yaaay! Time to keep the hob-I mean... haphephobic happy!

You sighed overdramatically, curious as to how you'd be getting everything down the ladder. Twenty two notebooks... Dammit!

 

"Need some help?" you screamed in shock, grabbing the old lamp nearby and smashing it against the person who startled you's face. Ditzy coughed, holding his cheek, the bulb having broken (lamp shade tossed off years ago) and caused a large gash. " _Thanks_ , (Name)..." he hissed, voice dripping with so much sarcasm you almost didn't catch that he didn't call you 'Kitty'. 

 

You heard confused blips and blops from downstairs, probably wondering what the scream and breaking noises were from. You simply grabbed a handful of notebooks and stuffed them into his hands, leaning in close to his ear so no one else would be able to hear.

 

"We all know you're faking it, heal yourself and help me out before I _really_ act like CK." He grinned suddenly, giving a delicious shiv-Oh _god_ did he take that as _dirty talk_? The disgusted expression on your face shown enough, making him titter as he went towards the ladder, calling out down to concerned beeping noises that he was fine. He just startled you and you knocked over a lamp. His injury/wound was already gone, too, without any trace of him having used green magic... Odd.

 

Once down the stairs, blue magic stealing the other books (and struggling to steal the diary from you) once he hit the floor, letting you climb down soon after. Some predictable characters were looking worried, Class, Swap, and Toothache probably having been the first ones to react, and Fresh seemed to have followed out of curiosity, currently spacing out while watching a tiny spider building a web in the corner. You'll deal with that later. 

 

One that you also had an idea as to why they followed was NM, who seemed upset that you weren't hurt or injured. He probably was hoping to feed off of some pain or stress, but you only let off a little of disgust.

 

You rolled your eyes in response, stealing the journals from Ditzy who simply pouted in response. "A thank-you would be nice, (Name)!" he huffed out, but you just rolled your eyes again and booped his nose. Fresh seemed to snicker at this.

 

"Okay, I'll have to run back up to grab the pencils and things, but until then just hold onto these." you were quick to pass out more notebooks, freezing when you got to the diary. "...Go ahead and spread these out, but you'll be one short." You decided that whoever was left in the dust would get the notebook. You, not thinking twice about safety, skittered up the ladder one more time to grab a huge handful of pencil boxes, and a lucky sharpener or two.

 

You caught the skeles right as they were turning around, quickly grabbing Fresh's arm. His mouth opened, sharp teeth showing behind his usual dull ones, almost like he was about to... hiss at you, before he stopped himself, going back to smiling with a closed mouth, hands in his pockets (where did the journals you gave him go?) and head tilted. His glasses just read a bunch of question marks.

 

You stiffened, but did your best to relax, despite NM giving you the side eye for just a minute, shaking the three boxes you held. Their sides were shown to him, but his curiosity piqued. "Crayons, scented markers, and colored pencils." His glasses turned to a few ellipses for a moment, before his grin grew wider and he swiped the boxes from your hand, the bright pink spiralbound you had saved suddenly appearing in his hand as he rapidly wrote once breaking open the markers' cardboard covering.

 

Despite his eagerness and speed, he was slowed down as he kept switching markers' colors.

 

'YO! THANKS, BRO!' was all the line wrote as he shoved the book in your face, bouncing on his feet. And now you know why it took so long for him to write that - each letter was in a different color. You reached up and pat his head, finding his odd excitable nature to be rather adorable. He froze suddenly as your hand touched his skull, glasses going blank until you lifted away, suddenly grinning again with his normal letter back before rushing off.

 

...what in the...

 

You just shook your head and sighed, calmly following after. Everyone seemed to be back in the game-room-turned-meeting-room. Quite a few had journals, and you tossed out a box of pencils (normal kind and colored), along with a few eraser hats and sharpeners to let them spread around. Error was glaring at you with arms crossed.

 

Oh god no.

 

You huffed, holding out a red pen and the dark diary to him, purposefully giving him a lot to grab on to so he wouldn't touch your hand. He hesitated before swiping it from you, yet he dropped the pen. You were the first to bend down and grab it, popping off the cap and giving the tip a soft dab on your tongue, scribbling on your hand until ink came out. That... sounds wrong, especially with the artist skeleton in the room, before you held it back out to him, cap on the bottom this time.

 

He was quick to shift his odd eyelights away when you looked back, cheekbones lighting up a bright canary yellow. He was slower this time in taking the pen, blindly grabbing at it and just narrowly avoiding your fingers.

 

You held tight, processing what you were looking at, letting go before shouting as you finally realized what happened.

 

" _HOW MANY SKELETONS HAVE I ACCIDENTALLY SEDUCED_!?"

 

Shifty, who had helped themself to your snacks despite your rules, choked as they spat out their soda, some coming through their nose. That's not pleasant, and you should know that by experience.

 

...Well, shit, you just outed yourself.


	9. Chapter 9: AKA 'What?'

Shifty choked, gaining attention just as fast as the human had. They wheezed, shoving their muzzle down to their neck to wipe their nose on their sleeve.

 

" _What_?" they looked at the human, attention flicking back to the human's face. 

 

"Don't know what you just said - but I think I've been accidentally flirting with several of the Sanses. Or prior Sanses." they started to count off on their fingers, "Geno, Error, Fresh, and Ditzy." Only two of the four mentioned had blushed, Error looking confused and upset, like a cornered animal, while Geno nuzzled deeper into his scarf. Fresh tilted his head, glasses reading 'WH AT?', while Ditzy's tail wagged a mile a minute as he leaned closer.

 

"...how?" Shifty seemed to be the only one with a voice, holding up the crimson colored notebook they had written their response in.

 

"Well, first I teased Geno in a completely nonsexual way which led to him getting really hot and turning really red-" Geno started waving his hands, trying to cut them off, since they were just digging an even deeper hole with each word, "-then I kind of sort of accidentally dirty-talked Ditzy-" Ditzy chimed in with a happy 'They did!', "-and then I pat Fresh's head and held his arm awkwardly-" Fresh only seemed more confused, "-and then I accidentally almost held hands with Error."

 

"...WHaT?" was Error's response, holding both of his hands to his chest. He didn't notice how this made him cling to the diary and pen like he was protecting them.

 

"I won't be taking that back! If you plan on doing some creepy _Undertail_ fetish shi **[z]** , though, then please keep that priv-"

 

" _WHaT_?!" he panicked, making Ditzy burst into loud laughter, alongside Fell, Shifty, and Chara. Smokes muffled a chuckle into his hand, Geno seeming glad that the light was taken off of him. Error was hurriedly shaking his head to try and hide even more, stuttering out excuses a mile a minute as small black 'ERROR's appeared in otherwise red sockets.

 

"...Ditzy, what's he saying?" they loudly stage-whispered, leaning towards the humanoid.

 

"Let me try and translate. 'P-please don't take this the wrong way, i-it's just that I c-couldn't help myself! I j-just needed something to help sate me at night, w-with your lovely sm-' OW!" he shouted in pain as a black sandal hit him in the face, the human pinching the bridge of their nose.

 

"He wasn't saying that, was he?" Error glared in response, sight almost completely overtaken in his panic.

 

Meanwhile, NM was having a field day with all the emotions running wild right now, and Dream looked confused at what was going on. Swap gave Ditzy a disappointed yet knowing look, arms crossed over his chest. There's a reason he isn't called 'Blueberry'...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think of the chapter? Ideas for what should happen next? Did you see a typo or two that I've made? I live for the applause, buddy, tell me how you feel.
> 
> (Even if you just comment a random 'q' and nothing else I'll probably still be happy)


	10. No Plot Short: Cleansing of Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a comic, the first 'just a random, no real timeline short/oneshot' in this story, and a promise to a friend. You know who you are. This is the author's POV, so everyone is understood, even if Reader/(Name) doesn't know what the UTs are saying.

"Hey, NM, can ya come in here and help me?" You called out from the kitchen, hands a little full at the moment as you cleaned everything up. Somebody, well, more like somebod _ies_ , thought that "I don't think I have enough food to feed all of you" meant "Please get food on every surface in the kitchen, including the ceiling", and now you're here, aggressively scrubbing the countertops with a steel wool sponge.

 

NM was rather goopy, so he might not be the best candidate to help you clean things, but you had a feeling that four certain appendages from his back could easily reach places you can't. Wait, uh... I should rephrase that: Four limbs extending from his back and spine are long and flexible and would easily be able to hold a sponge up to scrub the ceiling. That... doesn't sound much better, though...

 

You were broken from your thoughts by a cold hand tapping your shoulder. NM was holding up his notebook (black and white zebra stripe, composition) to show what he had written on it.

 

"What's in it for me?"

 

You gave him wide, innocent eyes.

 

"Is my love and affection not a suitable reward, my love?" The deadpan look he gave you said everything about his reaction. "How about I let you have the biggest room to yourself?" you whispered, and he huffed, nodding.

 

"gOOD ENOUGH... THOUGH i MUST SAY YOU DON'T SEEM TOO RELUCTANT TO SELL SOMETHING SO 'IMPORTANT' OFF. iT PROBABLY ISN'T VERY GOOD OF A DEAL, i DON'T THINK."

 

"Say what now."

 

He rolled his eyelight, scribbling down into his notebook again before holding it up again, neat, small writing right under his prior sentence. "What do you need?"

 

"Just go fill up a soup pot with some warm water and soap, please. Nothing too complex for an octopus." His squint and twitching mouth made you laugh slightly nervously, "...for an... uh... not octopus?" he sighed, shoulders raising and falling as he turned around to dig through the cabinets, rolling his only visible eyelight in response to you. It wasn't worth the effort.

 

You focused back on scrubbing down the counters, wearing cliche, long yellow rubber gloves, a softer sponge next to you for when the gunk of mixed food types (cookie batter, cupcake batter, spaghetti sauce, chocolate sauce, taco meat, and shreds of ravioli) was at a more manageable level, so you wouldn't scratch up the countertops very much. You jolted as another tap was delivered to your shoulder, glaring at the octo- _skeleton_ , the _skeleton_ who stood next to you, holding the empty pot.

 

"wHAT DO i DO?" A tentacle held his notebook, the same question (be it not in odd capital letters) written down. "yOUR SINK IS WEIRD."

 

"...Uh... Here, da **[ng]** it. The pot doesn't fit in the sink, does it?" you huffed, twisting the knobs and taking it from him. Ew, hand goop was on the handles. Yep, just as you thought, the pot was far too big, making you take in a large, deep breath through your nose, letting it out soon after in a nasal sigh. Sigh squad, you and him.

 

"Okay, so, when the stuff you need to fill or clean is too big for the sink, you just grab the hose, and-" you grabbed the spray head, the hose-and-faucet, and lifted it, only for the water currently being sent down the drain to transfer to the hose and spray both you and your skeleton helper in the faces. "SHI **[Z]**!" you tossed the hose into the sink, wiping your face dry with your wet shirt, basically defeating your current objective entirely.

 

Your eyes were cleared before him, and you caught him rubbing at his own face, some of the goop coating him smearing off and showing... white? 

 

You glanced at the hose, still spraying but into the sink this time, then back at NM, who gave you a confused look. The tiny spot of white was still visible, but was so small you might not capture it.

 

"..."

 

"...wHAT IS IT?" he questioned cautiously, reaching for his notebook to write it out, but you quickly grabbed the hose and aimed it at him, making him let out a terrifying screech.

 

You let go, only to grab a rag and your soft sponge, pinning him to the counter and vigorously scrubbing at him, making him try to shove you away even more.

 

"sTOP! lET GO OF ME, YOU B **[RAT]**! sTOP IT!" he screamed louder, you throwing a dried towel over his face to wipe him dry again. A concerned looking Shifty rushed in right as you lifted the towel off, showing instead of a  ~~hentai monster~~ skeleton made of vantablack ichor, a skeleton with stark white bones, confused eyesockets with a purple pupil in each, and a golden crown with much different clothing.

 

"...I was expecting rape, not whatever is going on here."

 

NM let out a small sneeze in response, your heart having stopped for a moment.

 

"Oh my god you're _adorable_ -"

 

Dream was next to appear, clearly concerned with Shifty's sentence before stopping just like the Chara had. Despite their fights, he still aggressively cared for his brother, so of course he was worried, especially due to the implications of Shifty's words, though he seemed confused. "...Brother? What happ-"

 

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" he screamed at you, voice no longer distorted. Shifty burst into laughter as Dream swooped in, scooping you up and tossing you over his shoulder as he ran. Ichor was already taking over NM's body again, and when he rushed out of the kitchen doorway (Shifty stepping aside at just the right time, the very last second) he had his tentacles ready to stab straight through you, in a completely not sexual way. Not sexual at all. Stop it, stop thinking-no. Bad. Bad reader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S: The cookie batter, cupcake batter, spaghetti sauce, chocolate sauce, taco meat, and shreds of ravioli is, in said order, Storyshift Asriel, Storyfell/Shiftfell Asriel, UT Papyrus, Storyswap Chara, Underswap Sans, and Underfell Papyrus.


	11. No Plot Short: Bless You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have done diddly darn doodled the goopy a startle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do i keep updating
> 
> (Again, Author's POV, basically all of the NPS's are going to be Author's POV)

Tapping your pencil against paper, you contemplated how you were going to do this. Most of them said that eating is just a luxury, but the humans and Ditzy seemed adamant that they get real food. You have a feeling that they mostly just want takeout. If you were going to get some of them food, you were going to get _all_ of them food - that's just how it works. It's, like, the _law_.

 

So... doing the math, that's twenty-three people, including yourself and not including your presumed one-night stand, who you still believe to just awkwardly be standing under a blanket in your room. Maybe he fell asleep, like a parrot. Then again, he could be gone, sneaking around in the shad-

 

"Wait..." the few in the living room looked up, those being NM, Shifty, Chara, Fell, and Crimson. The living room was big, though, so you weren't _too_ worried. You held up a hand as you heard the scribbling of pencil on paper, nose scrunching up as you spaced out on no particular object, squinting.

 

"Uh, buddy? Are you ok-" Chara started despite knowing you probably wouldn't answer when you violently sneezed into your elbow. Attention was instantly drawn to NM, who was staring at you with a wide eye and vague fear, tightly gripping the arm of the couch in his left hand and the back of it with his right. 

 

Crimson held out his notebook, having gotten bored of NM already.

 

"BLESS YOU." was repeated from his mouth and his letters. NM still looked panicked, eye flickering from the others and back to you repeatedly.

 

"i-IS... IS _NOBODY_ GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT?!" he shouted in panic, getting your attention as well this time. "tHEIR FACE JUST EXPLODED! wHY AREN'T _ANY OF YOU_ CONCERNED ABOUT THIS?!" 

 

Shifty snorted, looking at their other version. "Did he never-?" 

 

"I don't think he did, bud." Chara responded, fighting back the same laughs.

 

"nO! nO, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO JUST LAUGH AND CHANGE THE SUBJECT! tHEIR HEART PROBABLY STOPPED! wHY ARE ALL OF YOU SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS?!"

 

"sounds more like you're the one worried about them for reasons other than them being your main cause of sufferin'." Fell added in, giving NM a knowing wink, "got somethin' planned tonight that'cha need'em alive for?"

 

Hearing all the panic, Fresh peeked in, head tilted.

 

"Wa'z all the yellin' 'bout?"

 

"tHEIR HEART STOPPED AND NOBODY CARES, AND THEIR FACE EXPLODED, AND i'M THE ONLY ONE WORRIED FOR THEIR CURRENT HEALTH!"

 

"Oh! I thought I heard somethin'! Yeah, their heart did kinda stop, but it's bac-"

 

"aND NOBODY FU **[N]** KING CARES THAT THEY JUST DIED?!"

 

You glanced between the two curiously, then to Fell who winked at you, flicking over to Chara and Shifty who were busy laughing to themselves, and ending at Crimson, who stood and pinched the bridge of his nasal bone in annoyance, waving the vantablack monster off.

 

"IF YOU'RE SO WORRIED FOR THEM, TELL THEM YOURSELF AND STOP WHINING ABOUT IT."

 

"i'M NOT WORRIED!"

 

"Uh, ya jus' said ya were worried, brah-"

 

"yOU'RE LYING!"

 

"i heard it too, y'know."

 

"sHUT _UP_!"

 

"Ah, man, there's goop on the ceiling..." you idly pointed out, making the humans and Fell burst into loud laughter while Fresh continued to look confused and NM continued to shriek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I'm thinking of it, I may have a problem with NM being the basis of all of these shorts.


	12. No Plot Short: Roombae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HE IS DOING THE STARTLE FOR THE SECOND TIME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incredibly short (and incredibly OOC but I just couldn't stop thinking of this)

The tiny, almost impossible to hear whirring sound started up, movement catching your attention as you glanced over to where it came from. The tiny vacuum robot was slowly moving, doing its job of cleaning up your hardwood floors. You truly thought nothing of it as the tiny robot moved out of the room.

 

Suddenly, a deafening scream echoed from the other room, the loud blops and blips making you drop your phone and rush in, only to find the TV knocked over, the couch flipped on its back, and NM shaking like a leaf while hiding behind a conveniently shaped lamp. The Roomba whirred towards him and he screamed again, fading into a shadow and reappearing, standing on the cabinet the TV was previously on.

 

"wHAT IS THAT THING?! kILL IT! gET IT AWAY FROM ME! dREAA _AAAA **AAM**_!" he continued to shout, the dots slowly connecting in your mind as you broke down laughing, walking towards the robot and picking it up. The suction noises were louder now that it was no longer pressed against the ground.

 

"Aww, is the big bad Nightmare scared of a wittle Woomba wobot~?" you baby talked, advancing towards him, making him turn into a shadow again and leave the room. You rushed after him, choking on your laughter.

 

Gods, this guy is _hilarious_!


	13. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter where we find out who the one-night stand is for once.

You rubbed your face, looking back up at those in the room. What a mess...

 

Ditzy smirked after regathering himself, leaning in close against you. "What's wrong? Trying to calculate the chances of this happening?"

 

"I already know." he seemed taken aback as you straightened your back, spine cracking. Even Ditzy winced at this noise, some of the monsters (besides the mammals/goats) in the room either staring in shock, looking like they were going to cringe, or looked at the other humans in the room for answers. "Approximately the chance is just one divided by nine-billion, one-hundred and nine million, forty-three thousand, four-hundred and ninety-five that a bunch of you freaks would crawl through my computer screen, break my rules, and ruin my day." 

 

...did you get that reference right? You sure as hell hoped so... Either way, the effect was obvious - Error looked even more suspicious while Shifty looked guilty. Geno, though, he was paying close attention, suspicious look far above that of Cross or Error. Just his gaze alone led to you feeling your sins weighing down your neck. You couldn't stare him in the eye for long before you focused on Error again.

 

He said something, the noises glitching out and seeming to show a bit more panic, but he cut himself off when he noticed your wide, confused eyes and raised eyebrows. He seemed a bit upset that he had to write it all out, but still did. Left handed, just like the other Sanses, it appeared. You noticed how he kept adjusting his grip on the pen as if he was having trouble writing. He also held the book a little closer to his face than you'd expect, but realization hit soon after - glasses.

 

His book was suddenly held out, page filled with hard to read handwriting. The book won't last long if he fills in half a page with such a short amount of words.

 

"HoW Do you KNoW THaT? THe PeRCeNTaGe?"

 

You laughed softly, coming off as much more dramatic than you had hoped to come off as. "I don't." Ah, shit, you still sound like some kind of emo 12 year old's OC, "I don't know if it's _right_ , that is." 

 

He continued to give you a suspicious look before suddenly holding the diary close again. 

 

"Listen, believe me or not, sugar, but there's no way in Hells that I actually know anything about you guys at all. Fanon, head-canons, honestly you can be nothing like I had ever assumed, there's no chance of me constantly being one-hundred percent correct and/or sure on something as little as which hand you write with. You don't need to be so scared of me - I might be right or I might be wrong, and the whole language-and-or-sound-barrier thing kinda adds to how much of a disadvantage I'm at. You can talk about how to kill me or how to try and become my friend and there's a ninety-percent chance I'll be none the wiser. Now, if we're done talking about math, can we _please_ try and figure out what we should do next?"

 

This... didn't assuage any fears at all. Well, it didn't appear to, until they started talking amongst themselves. You wouldn't lie if you said you didn't feel left out, but for now you might need to check on somebody who may or may not still be locked inside of your bedroom.

 

A realization dawned on you.

 

You just left _Killer_   _Sans_ with a _knife_.


	14. No Plot Short: Colorful Lingo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn the ins and outs of using radtastic language, you fu[n]king [rad]hole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fresh-centric chapter

So far, you've pushed the limits on what Fresh will or will not censor. Most shocking has to be what Ditzy has told you.

 

The TV was talking about a man named Richard, and Fresh piped up after a while of being bored.

 

"Can't'cha call 'em Dick?"

 

Shifty was the unluckiest, spitting and coughing on more of their soda again, quickly wiping their face, while Ditzy, Swap, Azzy, and Bow stared at Fresh in confusion.

 

"...What? Izz'n dat a nickname for a dude named Richard? Iz Dick?"

 

You perked up at how everyone seemed confused, looking between Fresh and Ditzy, where everyone else was looking and at the one who held answers. "...What am I missing?"

 

"He... he just said d **[on]** k!" Fresh looked offended at this.

 

"I said _Dick_ , not da other word. _Dick_ as in _Richard_ , da _dude_." he pointed at the TV, and things slowly connected in your mind. "Izz'a guy, not a nasty thing."

 

"...Did he call the guy Dick?"

 

-~*~-

 

Other times, things grew funnier as he was censoring things.

 

Shifty felt irritation as they simply couldn't beat Fresh at this dumb game, but they'd be damned to Hells if they didn't beat him at least once. This time, they snapped, tossing the controller and shouting out their rage.

 

"YOU STUPID FU **[N]** KING WHO **[AH THAT IS NOT A GOOD WORD IT'S KIND OF REALLY OFFENSIVE IT'S BEST IF YOU DON'T SAY THAT ANYMORE LOL]**!" 

 

Another instance included the TV again, a show known for being offensive yet uncensored about to say a word you're used to hearing from it before Fresh loudly censored it instead.

 

"N **[ot a good word either you guys suck at being family friendly why do I even try]** , what?" You stared over at Fresh before bursting into laughter. 

 

One more time just seemed cute.

 

"Okay, act like an as **[h]** and I'll treat you like one. Wait..." you stopped yourself, looking to Fresh again. "...That one wasn't even clever." he shrugged, glasses reading 'WHO OPS' on them, showing he clearly ran out of ideas.

 

-~*~-

 

He tapped at your shoulder until you finally looked over, holding out his notebook just inches from your face. Well, less than that - you got a nose full of lemon scented marker ink. You gently pushed the book away to read it, only to laugh even harder once the words processed.

 

'Is it true that a chicken is a cock?'

 

A few hours later he had another question.

 

'Is it true that a donkey is an ass?'

 

You bless whoever taught him these words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fresh censors things that are bad words, but when it's a name or creature, he doesn't censor it at all. 
> 
> Fresh also isn't the most clever, and sometimes gives you a scolding when you use incredibly bad words that are sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, etc..
> 
> Long story short: He a good boi


End file.
